The Curse of the Eberbachs

Bonham eyed the small china jar with some hesitation. His old grandma used to swear by this salve as a cure-all for any kind of minor injury – from scrapes to rashes to paper cuts and bruises. He himself could testify to that it worked like a charm for aching and tired feet – "feet" being the operative word. Feet, not paws. Yet what could he do, with Dorian using his "do this for me and I'll love you above anyone not a German NATO Major"-eyes and asking him so sweetly? So he had whipped up a batch of Grandma's All Ache Cure Salve and even put it in the rose-decorated little jar he always used when giving it to Dorian. Which had happened rather often up until Dorian had met Uncle NATO. What Grandma hadn't known – at least Bonham didn't think that the old lady had known ... – was that the salve doubled as an excellent lubricant and since that fateful meeting Dorian's usual parade of lovers had petered off to a mere trickle.

If Eberbach ever lets 'imself get caught Oi bet 'is Lordship would even stay faithful, he ruminated as he walked up the castle corridors towards Dorian's bedroom. Not that Oi could foind fault wiv 'is Lordship. Soldier boy is about as handsome as they come, for all 'is chill and fast fists. Bonham's own inclination went to lithe and cute - Wonder 'ow dear G is doin'? If Dorian will go 'unting for old green eyes, maybe Oi'll have a chance to meet the little one again. - but he could certainly appreciate the sight of a well-built piece of manflesh. A real' 'ot arse, that's for sure.

Faint voices from his Lordship's room caught Bonham's attention. Doesn't sound like James. Who, then? Oi would've seen anyone go up, Oi fink.

One voice clearly belonged to Dorian, though Bonham only heard towards the end, "—if not, — welcome to stay here – know that – always happy to have you, Major—."

Bonham knocked perfunctorily before entering. Since Dorian had asked him to bring the salve – probably thinking that the first aid kit Jonesy had brought wouldn't be enough - he saw no reason to wait until Dorian let him in. "The salve, my Lord," he announced, while looking around to see who his Lordship had been talking to.

Dorian was all alone, except for the big dog they had found on returning to the castle. The dog was sitting next to Dorian on the sofa. Both watched him – Dorian looking startled and the dog oddly suspicious.

"Oh, excellent. Please put it there on the table. Thank you very much, you're a gem, Bonham, you really are."

He did as told, but couldn't stop himself from saying, "Oi thought Oi 'eard you talking with someone."

Dorian laughed, though there was a certain edge to the normally so carefree sound. "Me? Talking with someone? Oh no, no, no. Of course not. Who would I have spoken with? It's just little me here, Bonnie. Just little me."

Dorian blinked. His eyes darted to the dog, then back to Bonham. Then he laughed again. "No, no, no, that was just me. I was ... talking to myself. And ... to Major here." He reached out and, rather awkwardly, patted the Doberman's back twice. The dog made a grumbling noise. Dorian shot it another look, then smiled mischievously and scooted closer to lean his head against the animal's neck. His curls spilled all over it and the dog turned away from him, looking as if it wanted to tear itself loose. Dorian, apparently oblivious, still smiled up at Bonham with his "Everything is fine, pay no attention to the strange men hiding behind the newspapers"-smile.

"Only Oi could've sworn Oi thought Oi heard someone answering you," Bonham persisted.

Dorian sat up straight again. "Oh, that must have been Major. He makes noises sometimes. Dog noises, you know." One of his hands slipped to the sofa and then he, for whatever reason, pushed against the dog's hind leg.

The dog gave him a sharp look, then turned to Bonham and said, sounding rather bored, "Wau. Wau."

"Ah," said Bonham. "Well, Oi guess Oi'll be off then. See you in the morning, your Lordship. 'Ave a nice evening and just call me if there's anything else Oi can do for you."

Bonham left, but just as he closed the door he overheard Dorian asking, sounding very puzzled, "Wau? Wau?"