A Story In Fifteen Short Notes
by Heather Sparrows and Anne-Li

Hagrid -

I lied about pubes hair of a giant being necessary for the potion. Any giant hair would have worked. Nor was it, strictly speaking, necessary for me to remove the hair with my teeth.

- SS

Sev'rus -

removing pubic hair was a good idea. An' removing it with yer teeth was the best way by far ter remove it. If yeh need any other specimen, I'll be glad ter be of service again.

Rubeus

Rubeus -

You're too kind. There is one potion I have in mind to try. It requires a lengthy mixing of the saliva of giant and human. Your place or mine?

-SS

Sev'rus -

My place will be ready. It's more quiet fer us, if yeh'd try ter do that special openin' spell. (Oooops, sorry, shouldn't 've said that, but I'm lookin' ferward ter our meeting so much ...)

- Rubeus

Rubeus -

As it happens, that special spell is a required part of obtaining another ingredience that I need a refilling of. I trust that the meeting will be to our mutual satisfaction. Remove the nifflers and hamsters and other living creatures from your hut before I arrive this time.

- SS

Sev'rus,

Ev'ry endangered species evacuated. Doubt they'd get the time, though, ter wreak any havoc. Said openin' will be occupied very fast by somethin' hard and big...

Rubeus

Rubeus -

It occurred to me that both of us might benefit from another recent invention of mine: a potion epecially brewed to allow large objects into tight spaces without removing any of the snugness of said spaces. I'm confident that this potion, in combination with the before mentioned opening spell, will prove most satisfactory. I will arrive momentarily.

- SS

Sev'rus -

I'll await you eagerly, standing to attention.

- Rubeus


Rubeus -

Your attentive stand was appreciated. The unquestionable success of the salves and potions also assures me that our arrangement would prove mutually beneficial. Of course, further tests are necessary and I will need a long term supply of the provided ingrediences and assistance (especially that thing you did with your tongue). If this would be acceptable to you?

- Severus

Sev'rus -

I'm not ver' much educated, but I take it from yer words that yeh liked it. Maybe yeh'd also need a proof tha' things'd work th' other way roun' as well?

- Rubeus

Rubeus -

In plain words then, so there are no misunderstandings between us: I want you. Now. Any way I can get you. But yes, I would be most interested in seeing if the other way around works too.

- Sev'rus (and only for you would I mangle my name so)

Sev'rus -

I'll be waitin' eagerly fer yeh wi' more samples or me hair n' seed 'n ev'rything yeh'd need fer yer tests - righ - now ...

- Rubeus


Rubeus

Marry me.

-Sev'rus

Sev'rus,

Gladly!

- Rubeus


Message from the Headmaster:

According to the Wizarding Law have been bonded: Rubeus Hagrid, Game- and Groundskeeper at Howarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry and - Severus Tobias Snape, Potions Master. Save your money for the bouquets and your breath for the condolences, Severus says. Rubeus says there will be served a little food and drink at the Three Broomsticks in Hogsmeade. Probably you won't have to eat anything for three days afterwards.

THE END

Harry Potter: *Thud*.

Hermione: I told you so, Harry, but would you listen to me? Would you listen to me?

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